


how loud your heart gets

by saffronHeliotrope



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Established Relationship, Multi, Roleplay, Roleplay of dubcon scenario, Threesome - F/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 17:48:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2237961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saffronHeliotrope/pseuds/saffronHeliotrope
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Indeed?” purrs Karkat, shifting his attention suddenly and prowling closer to Dave. You watch, transfixed, as he reaches out and strokes one finger down Dave’s cheek, then the very tip of his claw continues its trail south, down his throat, over his collarbone, down his chest. You can see Dave’s hastily-suppressed shiver. Karkat takes a step forward, and Dave takes a step back. “I hardly think you are in a position to be making demands,” Karkat says, and there’s a flurry of movement and before you know what’s happening Karkat has Dave spun around and bent over the arm of the sofa, pressing hard up behind him.</p><p>“Oh, Jesus, hello,” says Dave.</p><p>***<br/>Diplomacy, Alternian-style.</p>
            </blockquote>





	how loud your heart gets

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Asuka Kureru (Askerian)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Askerian/gifts).



> _cause we're a million miles away but I still hear you_  
>  _and I'm going going going going to get you_  
>  \- Lucius, [How Loud Your Heart Gets](http://youtu.be/xEdpjAOggu0)
> 
> Because Asuka asked for davejadekat.

“Ok, look, I get it, for some reason it’s crucially important that the evil alien empress send the hottest of her own personal harem --”

“Shut your festering flap, nookchafe, I’ll have you know that the position of Imperial Concubine is highly prestigious and comes with extensive training in diplomacy and requires a great deal of native intelligence and tact. Not that you’d know what either of those is.”

“Yeah, whatever. I’m just saying, do you know how unlikely it is that this amazing tactful alien slave-boy with the magical diplomatic pussy would be meeting with the two admittedly young and devastatingly attractive rulers of Earth alone? And that they’d even be able to speak the same language? Not trying to rain on your parade here, Karks, but come on, what about some verisimilitude up in this bitch?”

“Dave, shut up,” you say pleasantly. “Karkat, ignore him. The scenario is perfect. We’ll take it from the beginning again and Dave will play along this time or else he’s banned from the bedroom for a week.” Dave sputters with indignation but you talk over him. “Make that two weeks, and no argument from you, buddy. We didn’t give you any grief when you wanted to roleplay as the famous movie director and his two sexy paparazzi stalkers.”

“That’s because it was awesome and you know it.”

“It was ridiculous,” says Karkat.

“We can fight about it later,” you say firmly. “Right now we have a peace treaty to negotiate. Imperial Concubine?” you say, half-bowing, and Karkat turns up his nose and sweeps out of the room with a huff.

Dave snickers. “Aw, Jade, I’m just pulling his chain. It’s hilarious and harmless, and did I mention hilarious?”

You go to elbow him in the ribs, and he yelps and dodges, because if there’s anything hilarious, it’s how Dave bruises like a peach and is a huge baby about it. “This is important to him,” you say, tugging him back to stand beside you facing the door. “I think we forget how weird it must be, coming from a different culture -- like his life is completely different now from how he expected it would be when he was growing up! And if there’s anything we can do to help him work through those issues, I’m completely willing to -- Ah, here he is! Welcome to our flagship, Your Excellency.”

Karkat opens the door and steps inside with measured tread. He’s perfectly in character, his back held rigorously straight and his chin held high, though you think you can still detect a little prickle of defensiveness, ready in case Dave decides to be a poophead again. (You’ll make sure he doesn’t.) The costume is total genius, though -- somehow the wickedly high heels and the sheer diaphanous silks he dredged up from somewhere or another are enough to suggest just the right combination of sexiness and badassery. Also, the heels make his legs look amazing, and _how_ is he so graceful on them?

“Greetings, rulers of Earth,” he says. “I come on behalf of the Empress of Alternia, Her Imperial Condescension, the tyrian goddess, long may she reign. She in her infinite wisdom has decreed that your species is to be allowed to live. I am granted all authority in negotiating the terms of the contract between our worlds.”

“I bet you are,” purrs Dave, sliding half a step closer. “I had no idea that the Empress’s most trusted diplomat would be so young. Or so lovely.” He takes Karkat’s hand and bows over it, kissing his blunt gray knuckles slowly. You glance at Dave sidelong but he’s focused on Karkat, eyes smoldering. The lines of his body are relaxed and poised inside his makeshift future space-prince finery, but there’s something coiled in him too, the cat before the pounce. Maybe he’s finally going to behave! And is that a hint of a blush across Karkat’s cheeks?

“We are honored by your presence, Your Excellency,” you say, inclining your head gravely, one diplomat to another. “Can we offer you any refreshment? Or would you like to recline on our Earth-style furniture? It’s very comfortable!”

“Yeah,” says Dave. “It’s an Earth tradition to hang out on soft furniture whenever possible. Preferably with no clothes on. Definitely a prerequisite for any peace treaty negotiations.”

Karkat pulls his hand back, eyes narrowing. “Thank you for your offer,” he says to you, pointedly ignoring Dave, “but we must establish the boundaries of our territory. We will allow human incursions no closer than the Bellerophon sector. On this, we cannot negotiate.”

“Can’t we skip this part?” says Dave, but you are too invested.

You smile as sweetly as you can, channeling your best Rose Lalonde: innocent on the surface, devious through and through. She’d be so good at this. “I’m afraid that trade routes between the Terran system and our allies, the Vogons, require the use of the Medusa sector, which, as you know, lies between Bellerophon and Alternia. On this _we_ cannot negotiate.”

Dave heaves a sigh. Karkat ignores him, and stalks a step closer to you. You actually startle for a moment. For just a fraction of a second, all his comfortable familiarity is stripped away by this game you’re playing, and you’re reminded anew of his alienness. “There are other trade routes between Earth and Vogon,” he says, voice low and buzzy-rich.

“Perhaps we might be inclined to consider other routes,” you say slowly, “if the Empress could offer us other... _enticements..._ in their place.” You shoot for sly and coy and probably just sound like a dork. Who cares.

“Indeed?” purrs Karkat, shifting his attention suddenly and prowling closer to Dave. You watch, transfixed, as he reaches out and strokes one finger down Dave’s cheek, then the very tip of his claw continues its trail south, down his throat, over his collarbone, down his chest. You can see Dave’s hastily-suppressed shiver. Karkat takes a step forward, and Dave takes a step back. “I hardly think you are in a position to be making demands,” Karkat says, and there’s a flurry of movement and before you know what’s happening Karkat has Dave spun around and bent over the arm of the sofa, pressing hard up behind him.

“Oh, Jesus, hello,” says Dave.

Karkat reaches up and strokes his fingers through Dave’s hair, then pulls, not viciously, but hard enough that Dave’s head drops back and his back bends like a bow. “In fact, perhaps it’s you who should be offering me... _enticements.”_

Whoa, plot twist! You fold your arms coolly, trying not to let on how very much you like the sight of Dave pinned like that, Karkat confident and controlling like he was born to it. “Careful,” you say lightly. “That particular little _enticement_ happens to be the Crown Prince of the Eastern Hemisphere and the Lord Protector of... of...”

“Of the galaxy,” supplies Dave somewhat breathily.

“Of the moons of Jupiter,” you say. (“Lame,” mutters Dave.) “The people of Earth would be none too pleased with you if he were damaged in any way.”

“Then I’ll be sure not to damage him,” Karkat says smoothly, and begins undressing Dave, efficiently and inexorably. The look of shock on Dave’s face is priceless. “Her Imperial Condescension is always looking for new additions to her harem. I think she’d be delighted to add a human prince to her collection.”

Dave’s face is bright red now, but he’s not struggling. “Shit, uh, I mean, anything I can do to help the -- fuck! -- the peace process,” he says. Karkat works Dave’s pants down over his hips and gives his ass a grope and a firm smack. You and Dave both jump.

“Yes, I think this one would be of a particular liking to Her Condescension,” Karkat says, his hands possessively stroking every bit of Dave he can reach. “She likes them young and fresh. It makes the bucket-slave training much easier.”

“Bucket-slave?” says Dave with a squawk. “Like, to carry buckets, right? Like to get clean ones out of the special bucket-keeping closet?”

Karkat laughs gently, tugging again on Dave’s hair. “To _be_ the bucket,” he says.

Dave chokes down something that sounds like a moan and presses his hips back against Karkat’s groin, but just to be sure, you step quickly up to the sofa and sit where you can meet his eyes. “Is this still ok?” you ask softly.

Dave’s face is bright red with his blush, and his pupils are blown wide and black. “Well, it sure ain’t what I thought I was signing up for,” he says, “but goddamn, if it’ll help bring an end to this fucking alien space war, then who am I to say no to some good old-fashioned anal tentacle invasion? Hentai me up, in the name of diplomacy.” You bite your lip hard to try not to burst out laughing. He looks up at you, catches your eye. “I’m good,” he says softly. “Full speed ahead.”

You stroke his hair, admire the long pale curve of his back and the way that Karkat’s fingers are squeezing deep furrows in the flesh of his hips. “We’re honored that you would consider the Crown Prince for the Empress’s own harem. I’m sure you’ll find that humans are tremendously adaptable and resilient.”

“Good,” says Karkat. “You’ll have to be. The training is rigorous, I can assure you from personal experience.”

“Maybe,” you say, and swallow hard, “maybe you’d like to try out such a rare prize for yourself, before delivering him to your Empress?”

Dave makes a little whimper. Karkat meets your eyes. His smile is slow, inscrutable, and you wouldn’t call it cruel but it’s at least halfway there. _Alien._

“I had no idea humans were so generous,” he says. “I shall certainly make a note of it in my official report.”

He unfastens his clothes just enough to reveal his bulge, which, whoa, you didn’t realize was fully out! He’s _so_ into this, and he hid it so well -- usually you can tell the instant he starts getting turned on, because, well, usually you’re the one causing it. He’s fully in control of the situation this time, though. And, to be honest? The sight of him, fully clothed, standing over Dave who’s mostly naked and pinned and squirming futilely to get a look at what’s going on behind him? _Hot._

You shift a little in your seat, trying not to make it too obvious that your pussy is starting to absolutely ache.

Dave startles and a smirk tugs at the corner of Karkat’s mouth -- that must be his bulge, flickering over Dave’s hole. You stroke Dave’s hair and lean down for a kiss from his panting mouth. “Be brave,” you tell him, for Karkat’s benefit.

“I’m brave,” Dave says, voice hitched high and none too steady. “I’m the bravest, remember? I led the goddamn charge at the battle of Alpha Centauri. I did the whole lone-fighter-pilot schtick against the fuckin’ troll Death Star. I held the line when everybody thought it was hopeless and this is nothing I can’t han _dle ohh shit fuck Karkat --”_

“That’s good,” says Karkat, breathing hard. “You can take more.”

You force yourself to stay where you are, though you know just what Dave must be feeling -- the slick squirmy heat of the slender tip of Karkat’s bulge, the smooth frictionless slide and growing pressure as it inches in, pressing him open. Dave’s eyes shutter closed and he shifts his hips helplessly, trapped in Karkat’s grip. You want nothing more than to shove your hand down your pants, watching. _Be Rose. Be Rose._ Instead you cross your legs casually and lean back.

“If we are giving up access to the Medusa sector, then I must insist that in return the Alternian forces cease their incursions past Vega,” you say conversationally. “I’m sure you can agree that’s only fair.”

“I -- uh -- I mean, yes, of course,” says Karkat, distracted.

“Excellent,” you say. “That will, of course, mean that we have exclusive access to the unobtainium deposits on the planets of Vega 6. As you agreed, only fair.”

Karkat glares at you. “Very well,” he says with a grunt. “You drive a hard bargain, Harley.” For punctuation he drives his hips up against Dave, who howls.

You cup Dave’s cheek, slide a finger across his damp lips. “Please, call me by my title. High Imperator of Earth, Queen of the Moon, and Grand Poobah of the Oort Cloud and all that lies within.”

“Hey!” says Dave between panting whines. “How come you get to be all those things and I’m just prince of one lousy hemisphere and the moons of Jupiter?”

“Shh,” you tell him. “You’re being a bucket right now. Buckets don’t talk.”

He opens his mouth to retort but you can practically see the instant that Karkat’s bulge snuggles up nice and friendly alongside his prostate, because his eyes do that thing where they roll back into his head, and his elbows collapse, dropping him down and practically into your lap. Karkat huffs out a laugh, rolls his hips again, and Dave sobs. You bite your lip hard. Oh, you want, you want so much, but this is Karkat’s party, and it’s his place to decide what happens. You’re just along for the ride.

But it’s as if he reads your mind. “Of course, the Empress wants her harem slaves to be more than just pails for her use,” he says. “They should know how to use their mouths as well. Get to it, Crown Prince. Show me how it’s done on Earth.”

A little squeak escapes you. Karkat, who usually gets embarrassed at the drop of a hat, coming out so calmly with dirty talk? You’ve never seen him like this. Dave gathers the wherewithal to push himself up on an elbow. “Hell yes,” he says, and licks his lips. “Hell fucking yes. Come on, High Imperator or whatever. Gimme that pretty snatch of yours.”

“Okay then,” you say, and Rose would never be grinning the way you are right now, incoming cunnilingus from Dave or not. “Shall we give you a demonstration, Your Excellency? For diplomacy!” You reach under your skirt, shimmy out of your underwear, and turn on the couch, hooking one leg over the back, scooting closer to Dave.

He clutches at you and buries his face between your legs as soon as he can reach. You gasp out a high happy warble at the touch of his tongue, his lips, wet and eager. No teasing, no warming up -- just the right pressure and friction you need. You’re absolutely sopping wet and he hums happily, dipping his tongue into you, sucking and kissing and licking all up and down your cunt. When he seals his lips around your clit in a soft open-mouthed kiss and works his tongue up and down against you, you cry out and drop flat on your back on the couch.

“Good,” says Karkat from far away. “That’s so good. Oh, fuck, _Dave._ ”

You get lost in the feeling, in the way Dave moans against you, his mouth falling slack at some particular thrust from Karkat, then licking at you again. You can hear Karkat’s breathing, heavy and harsh. You’re wound up tight as a spring, and Dave’s tongue is warm and wet and soft and perfect. And even while he’s getting railed by Karkat, he knows what you need. He slips two fingers into you, draws little circles against that spot you love, and everything spirals through you, fireworks behind your eyelids, waves that rush up your body and down again.

You open your eyes at last, shuddery and limp. Dave’s head hangs down between his shoulders, pillowed on your thigh, rocked by Karkat’s movement. Karkat’s face is suffused with red, his hair tousled and wild, that crease between his eyebrows that means that he’s feeling everything too much. You want to touch him, to feel his skin against yours, the brilliant fever-warmth and perpetual thrumming energy of him.

He rasps all at once, “Bucket, oh god, bucket, now!”

You rouse yourself enough to reach for the one under the end table, but Dave pushes back against Karkat, panting.

“I thought _I_ was going to be your bucket,” he says. Karkat moans. “Come on, babe, give it to me, paint me red, I want it, I, oh, Karkat, oh, _ohhh_ \--”

Dave’s body bucks and heaves. You stroke his back as he comes, Karkat still buried deep inside him, and Karkat sobs when you drop the bucket on the floor at his feet. You slip around behind him, wrap one arm firmly around his waist, and with your other you reach down between his braced legs and work two fingers up into the blistering sopping heat of his nook.

It doesn’t take long after that. With a hoarse cry of “ _Jade, Jade!_ ” he pulls out and releases in long vivid gushes of red material, splashing over Dave’s back, running down the cleft of his ass and down his trembling legs. Karkat moans and convulses in your arms and you kiss his temple and hold him tight and murmur nonsense in his ear until he’s wrung himself out.

You narrowly manage to prevent him from falling face-first over Dave’s back when it’s all over. He’s wobbly as a lamb in your arms, shaking on his high heels, and he clings to you. Dave pushes himself up on creaky arms, cranes back over his shoulder to see the splatters all over his back, and says, “Heh. Awesome.”

Karkat looks up blearily, says “Blurgh.”

You laugh, and wrangle them both into the bathtub.

Karkat is quiet and uncharacteristically gentle while he scrubs the last traces of red from Dave’s back. Dave is flopped bonelessly over, arms folded on the edge of the tub. His eyes are closed and he’s got suds in his hair. You sit on the toilet and watch them. At last you say, “Karkat, was that what you wanted?”

He looks up at you, and a little smile dawns on his face like all the shy sweetness he tries so hard to cover up under shouting and exasperation. “Yeah,” he says. “Yeah, it was.”

“Funny,” says Dave without opening his eyes. “That was totally great and totally not what I was expecting.”

“Me neither,” you say. “I was all ready to woo the elegant courtesan, maybe seduce him in order to smooth out the peace negotiations, not, you know -- not --”

“Not get bent over and fucked by him,” Dave supplies helpfully.

Karkat looks back and forth between you. “What, did you think a concubine of the Empress of Alternia would be some delicate limp blossom who needed seducing?”

“Kinda, yeah,” Dave says.

“That’s usually how the human version of the story goes,” you say.

Karkat looks dumbfounded for a moment, then cracks up laughing. He smacks the water with one hand and causes a minor groundswell that nearly swamps Dave. “Are you fucking kidding me?” he says. “The Imperial Concubines are total badasses. They have to be, to stand up to the goddamned _Empress!_ Didn’t that occur to you? That maybe she needs harem slaves who can bite back?” He shakes his head. “Unbelievable. Humans are so fucking bizarre. You know the Concubines have their own elite wing in the Alternian Army, right? They’re the scariest, deadliest fuckers known to trollkind. The most famous have been immortalized in film and slam poetry since time immemorial. Imagine Troll James Bond but hotter, smarter, and scarier, and then multiply him by a hundred, and that’s the Concubines.”

“Huh,” says Dave.

“Wow,” you say.

“Can I be the concubine next time we roleplay?” asks Dave.

“No,” says Karkat.

“Can I?” you ask.

“Maybe,” he says.

Dave protests, and you tease him, and he splashes you and you shriek, and it all ends up with you getting pulled into the tub with your clothes still on.

You’re helplessly tangled up in their limbs, unable to rescue your glasses or deal with the wet hair that’s plastered itself over half of your face, but you’re happy, effortlessly happy. “I think this is the beginning of a beautiful relationship between our peoples,” you say, and Karkat laughs like he so rarely does, easy, content.

 


End file.
